It was a normal day, October of 2019…
I went to retrieve my manuscript from my desktop, the little word .doc icon had become a permanent fixture over the last year- but it wasn’t there. It wasn’t anywhere. I couldn’t breathe. Did I just lose my book? Have you ever had a moment that was so clearly defining in your life?
I scoured my computer, every file. From my Google Drive to Dropbox and every electronic device in my home, external hard drive and USB. Nothing. I had a firm disbelief of what was happening. I unplugged my computer, packed up my laptop and drove them to a data retrieval expert. The unenthusiastic man behind the counter asked me a few questions, took my computers and told me they would call me in a few days.
I cried. A lot.
I paced around the house. I wracked my brain trying to think what I did wrong. Trying to think why my new computer with tons of storage had not stored this massive, important document.
It was a week before my book was due to my publisher. Every publisher works differently – mine, Victory Belt Publishing, has us turn in the manuscript and the images via a cloud when we have it all.
60,000 words. My manuscript was nearly done, at 60,000 words. Hundreds of pages, 140 recipes, all of the front matter. It was done. I was just rounding out my recipes chapters and adding final touches to the front matter (the information before the recipes). A task that took me nearly two years to complete.
Three days went by. Three excruciating days. I just kept telling myself that it was going to be okay. I had to believe it. There was no alternative.
Then the phone rang. The same unenthusiastic man told me that the files they found were corrupted. My computer had defaulted to saving everything to the apple cloud instead of the hard drive and somehow – they are corrupted – unusable. There was nothing there but a few lines of code.
All of my work my 60,000 words reduced to a few lines of code.
As I drove to pick up my computers I could not stop crying. Pulling over several times, falling into a heap on the ground. Heaving, soul-crushing cries. I felt as if someone had reached into my soul and pulled it right out. When I finally reached the store front, I sat in my car waiting for the eternal flood to pause. I dried my face and walked in to retrieve my desktop and laptop.
The unenthusiastic man looked sad for me. I can’t imagine what my face looked like.
I drove home in a silent trance. I connected my computer. I cried some more. Then it happened. Justin asked me what I was going to do. Without hesitation I replied – I’m going to re-write it. In that moment I knew there was no other option.
With every cell in my body, every fiber of my being I was utterly certain that I would write this book (for a second time). I went to school for this book, I studied for 9 months, took several workshops, hours of research. Endless days in the kitchen cooking, testing, photographing. I didn’t fully understand what happened to my files, all I knew is that they were gone and that I had a book to write and a week to do it.
It’s hard to explain the switch- but just like that – in an instant- I felt a resolve like I had never felt before. All of a sudden, I didn’t focus on what was missing but what I did have.
I had the images of all of my recipes still.
I had my hand-written kitchen notes.
I had all of the nutrition information and ingredient amounts in Cronometer.
I had all of the medical journals, texts and NCBI articles I used for research.
I had my grit.
As I began to rebuild something magical happened… I felt a razor-sharp clarity in my message. I made bolder statements. I felt the confidence to drop the dietary labels in the book, something I had wanted to do, but didn’t in the first draft. I was able to find clarity in my messaging that I could not find before. I scrutinized my recipes, looking at the method and ingredient lists, refining the techniques. I asked for help. I rallied my friends and colleagues to test recipes for me. I hired a fellow NTP to help me sift through all of the articles and texts I compiled to find the information I needed.
The days melted into the nights. My body ached from the long days sitting at my desk. The nights were sleepless. There were days where my face collapsed into my hands with exhaustion so deep and so old I didn’t know how I was still upright. I remember thinking, I better tell Oprah this story one day. There was an unwavering passion for the work, and understanding that its important, that it’s what my readers have been asking for, what they need. When you know just how important your work is, you just do it. You have to. There is no try, there is only do (hat tip: Yoda).
And then, among the mess of papers, empty coffee cups and crumpled up notes on my desk, between the essential oils and textbooks, my little keyboard going tap tap tap… a few keystrokes came to pass and just like that… 64,235 words.
What I didn’t know is that the trying times were just beginning.
During edits, they cut pages out to save space. Pages full of words, my blood, sweat, and tears.
There are always so many questions. An inquisition. There was a lot of back and forth and this time was just so much harder than my first. To the last detail, from the graphics, the endorsements, the foreward, the photographs I worked tirelessly to create this book with unwavering certainty that it was important work. That is a needed resource in this world.
Then I announced it. The excitement of my community was there. After all, my first book was and still is so beloved. Made Whole was (still is) dripping with my love and it was apparent to all who have it! However, as months went by the preorder marketing efforts weren’t paying off. I kept thinking, it’s the social media algorithm, it’s the crappy engagement, people will get it when the book comes out. I’m just one interview, one opportunity away from being able to share this book with everyone.
Book launch came, March 10th, and went and then the world caught fire. You can plan for a lot of things, but not a global pandemic. I had to cancel my book tour, my media appearances, and with that I felt tried again. This time I didn’t have the fight in me. Watching my book tank in sales was excruciating. It broke my heart into pieces. I wondered if people doubted me. Did they doubt that I would produce a second book that exceeded my first?
I have a lot of feelings that I haven’t fully worked out about that. Because you know, there is the unexpected and there is what is expected and sometimes you can’t reconcile. However, the certainty that my work, that my approach to nutrition and simple yet nourishing recipes are needed in the world did not change. My pride in my work did not diminish. So we gave it away.
I bypassed any royalties I would get from the digital book and my publisher did a flash sale. $2.99 for the kindle version for 24 hours and for the first time since I announced the book, it hit 3 best seller categories on Amazon (Gluten-Free, Allergy Cooking, and Nutrition). Even if briefly, having my book ranked #129 among all books on Amazon, tells me that people have it now, and that gave me peace.
Perhaps one day, when the world is a calmer place and book stores are flooded with people again and the grocery stores stocked to the brim, the print version of Made Simple will have its day in the sun. The big, beautiful book is a work of art. With bright images for each recipe and hand-drawn graphics. Made Simple, like Made Whole is dripping with my love, I don’t know how to create any other way.
What I learned through this entire process is that when you do something you truly love, and you do it well and you do it with integrity- and it’s hard and you don’t give up… that doesn’t ensure success. That feels a little like finding out Santa isn’t real. However, when you believe in what you do and you’re passionate about it you keep going.
So I’m back in the kitchen, back to creating and I’m mending my heart through what I love to do best <3 Find your spark and fight like hell for it.
Cissy Tabor says
You are awesome! A devastating incident in your life that you didn’t back down from and made an amazing recovery, learned a lot and came out even better. WOW! Congratulations on your success. I’m ordering Made Simple for my daughter and sister-in-law for Christmas. ❤️
Cristina says
Thank you so much Cissy!!
Lora says
Wow – What an incredible story! I watched you walk through some of this on Instagram, but had no idea it went this deep! Absolutely inspiring. You have GRIT for days!!! I have both your books and will buy any book you put out. Thanks for what you do!
Cristina says
Thank you so much!!
Kate says
Thank you for this blog post. You really have proved what a fighter you are and your resilience is powerful. I hope it all works out for you and you get a chance to relaunch your book.
Cristina says
Thank you Kate!
Bree Davies says
Cristina,Oh what an amazing woman you are!
I’m so sorry you went through this.
Thankyou for sharing your heart with the world.
I’m praying that God blesses your book and Itl end up being a best seller!
And you will sell even more copies than your first book. That he will bring it to peoples attention and they will purchase it.
Tell you the truth, I want to go buy this book even more now that I’ve heard your story. It’s on my list to buy. Just waiting for it to come to Australia. Which to my memory I think it should be in stores now as I had asked for it just before Covid.
You are an amazing example of perseverance and strength to us all. Keep shinning positivity and never stop being you!
Bless you!
Bree.
Cristina says
Thank you Bree <3
Kim Thomas says
What a story, and wasn’t your husband deployed during some of those events as well?
Made Whole basically made this lifestyle a long-term thing for me. A lot of AIP recipes are way too time consuming, but this book has quick yet tasty recipes that brought my favorite foods back to me in a different way (i.e. the ‘cheese’ recipe). I used it more than any of my other cookbooks, so I preordered Made Simple. Honestly it wood be worth it for the spice mix recipes alone! I make and use both Sazón and the spicy mix by the mason jar full. Your recipes also gave me a better understanding of the staple ingredients in this way of eating so I could create my own recipes—something I loved before but had to relearn this past year.
Cristina says
Thank you so much Kim! Yes, Justin has been away 60% of the last 9 months on training leading up to his current deployment in Iraq. It’s been a crazy year. But testimonials like yours make it all worthwhile! Thank you for sharing!
Rebecca Tamm says
I remember starting to work with you and you told me about this. And I am still so inspired by you, and you helped change my life. I was so sad that you had to cancel your book tour because I was so looking forward to seeing you in person! And I still routinely make recipes out of Made Whole, Made Simple and the printed version is sitting on my kitchen counter right now and I just made the Beef and Broccoli skillet yesterday. Anybody who’s anybody knows that it’s best to cook from an actual cookbook and not a digital version 😉
Cristina says
I love you girl! For real! Working with you was amazing and I really enjoyed our time together. You are so special! Hugsss!!!!!
Diana Simonton says
Wow, so inspiring and heart breaking at the same time, Christina. The book rollout – jeez. I’m in the same boat. Not working, and not sure when and if I’ll feel safe to reopen my practice, but working on other ideas for moving forward. What else can one do, right? Love to you and congratulations on your new book! ❤️❤️❤️
Misty says
Wow! What an inspirational story! I’m so glad you had the grit to re-write your book and get it out! I just got your second book as I could not wait to get my hands on it! I actually am not able to work right now with things going on in the world, so I put off buying it, but my father-in-law gave me some money which was a late Christmas gift. I immediately bought your book when he gave it to me! I just received it a few days ago, and I have made the beef and broccoli skillet casserole, and it did not disappoint! I’ve made so many of your recipes from the first cookbook as well. I haven’t made one I didn’t like. Thank you for blogging, creating your recipes, and staying positive! I love your message here!
Cristina says
THANK YOU SO MUCH MISTY
Andrea Andre says
Cristina, I was so moved by this post and I just have to tell you about the impact you have had on our family. I love Made Whole, and as soon as I knew about Made Simple I pre-ordered it. The book arrived March 11, just two days before our whole world turned upside down. Schools closed, trips were canceled, and our adult boys moved back home to live with my husband, daughter and me. Through it all, Made Simple has been a guide book for us as we navigate this new normal. With our varying nutritional needs, allergies, and health challenges, Made Simple has made it possible for me to make food for my family that comforts us and satisfies our souls. Food as medicine that is easy to make, that has ingredients that are easy to get… this is exactly what we need right now. I am so, so sorry for everything you have gone through with this book. I just want you to know that for my family at least, you accomplished exactly what you set out to do. You are the only one out there who has put into words what I instinctually know is right for my body. Thank you for hearing what I didn’t even know how to say!
Cristina says
Awww Andrea! Thank you so much!!! Hugs!
Jessica says
Dear Christina,
That flash sale worked! I bought your book on a whim for $2.99 and loved it so much I just ordered the print version. I just had to have this actual book in my home. You are truly an inspiration. Keep doing your thing and those book sales will skyrocket!
Jessica
Cristina says
Thank you Jessica!
Natalie says
Wow, wow, wow. Your writing here is brilliant and inspirational. I’m actually newer to your site and didn’t even know about your book. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, only to publish at this harrowing time when so many are overwhelmed and freaked out.
I bet it is amazing! I will definitely go take a look. I just wanted you to know I really appreciated your story and how adeptly you brought us in to feel your blood, sweat and tears in writing your book. I’m truly inspired by your grit and determination and I needed to read this today.
Cristina says
Thanks Natalie!
Christine Geffner says
Cristina, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. We appreciate you. Just know that your recipes from your blog here and your books are still going strong in my house. Please continue to take care of yourself! As we all adjust to our new routines, I’m reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Thanks for all that you’ve done and continue to do.
Cristina says
Hugs!
sandra l uhlman says
I bought your book on the sale. I havent opened it yet ,but I believe it will make a difference in so many peoples lives that need to hear this message.. YOU ARE SAVING LIVES!! What a wonderful thing. By doing this release you arent making money but making a huge difference in all the peoples lives you touch!! I know there is another book in there when you recover and you will make money because you have touched so many( I will buy it) and you are a best selling author!! Congratulations Sandi
Cristina says
Thank you Sandra!
Kathryn McMillan says
Oh Cristina, reading this my heart broke for you and then swelled with excitement and love as you came back stronger than you could have imagined. I have followed your blog since close to it’s beginning and then on Instagram. I bought your first book and loved it! When your second book arrived on my doorstep I couldn’t have been more excited to start cooking from it. Everything I have made has been amazing. All the information within the pages is on point and so well written. Thank you for all you are doing with your books and your blog to help all of us that need healing – both in body and spirit!
Cristina says
Thank you so much Kathryn!
Erin says
You sure are one tough lady! I was definitely looking forward to book 2 and made sure to preorder. The book is beautiful and I’m slowly making my way through the intro; I have two littles home now during the day while trying to work from home which doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for much else. I can’t wait to cook from your book though; which is your favorite chicken recipe? Thanks fur all you do!
Amy says
I just want to say that my go-to chicken recipe is the triple green chicken since it’s so easy, but I do have thyme, sage and tarragon growing in my garden. And the crispy curry thighs are amazing. I still have a lot of the recipes to try though!
Cristina says
Thank you sooo much Amy!!!
Cassandra Criswell says
Dear Cristina,
This post is so inspiring! I remember all these things from following you on Instagram, but we don’t see all the behind the scenes blood, sweat, tears and love. I have Made Simple now and I already love it! Your passion and integrity have always shined through and drawn me to your work. I have the same grit with being the healthiest version of ME and knowing that looks different for different people. I am still working on healing from celiac and thyroid disease. My two sweet kiddos were recently diagnosed with celiac as well. They are 9 and 7. They have watched me cook delicious and healthy meals the last few years, many of our favorites from Made Whole. They instantly recognized your new book when it came and said I must be so excited. So, although sales aren’t sky rocketing, please know that your work is woven into the fabric of our home and I know many others could say the same. It doesn’t ease the sting of a stolen book launch, but I just wanted you to know that you are helping our family all heal and still love our food. With your help, we are loving the food that loves us back! Keep doing what you are meant to do in this world! It shines through you!!!